Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
