He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
