Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
foreskin is a definite game changer
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
