your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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