You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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