my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
