No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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