I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
