Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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