Welp...herpes.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
