You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
