i think my tv is drunk
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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