tell your sister to shave her snatch
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
