Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
