i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
