at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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