He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
