then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
