I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
