she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
