this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
