My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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