if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
