sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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