y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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