I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
