Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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