i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
