why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
