I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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