I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
