Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize