So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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