Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
