I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
