I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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