Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
