dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
