I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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