it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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