so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
