i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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