Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
birth control should be required to get into college
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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