she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
