He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
