peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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