i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
