Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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