Sponge bath it is.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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