I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
