when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
