those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
