All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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