HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
