Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
