This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
