He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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