Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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