WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So vagazzling was a success
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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