pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
