Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
