You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
