My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
