kristin has been a bad kristin
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
