yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
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We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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