My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
