Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Soap is not a condiment
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
