Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
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You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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