I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
