Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
