He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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