oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
