just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
