thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
