We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
