Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Terrible idea I love it
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
