My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The beers last night were like the tears from god
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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