i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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